Between Yesterday and It Never Happened

For those of us who are missing one or both parents Mother’s and Father’s Day takes on a whole different bent. While I’m lucky to still have my mother alive and well at 82, my father passed at 59 so Father’s Day for me is a day of reflecting on the past while still trying to be present. The following are some Thoughts From Today’s Walk (recovering from a pulled gluteus and bronchitis).

Today is the 25th Father’s Day without my dad – I think about him daily but miss him like crazy on days like today. Looking through some old photos in albums, framed or the ones my family post on Facebook I can’t believe 25 years have passed it seems like yesterday and then it seems like it never happened.

Walking with my headphones in my iPhone Glen Miller’s Moonlight Serenade starts playing and I start tearing up remembering how much we both loved his music and watching Jimmy Stewart and June Allison in the Glen Miller Story. Watching the 4 O’clock Dialing For Dollars movie was a ritual as was watching every John Wayne movie on Saturday afternoons.

This was dad’s favorite time of the year,  4th of July his favorite day of the year. We’d spend the day with family first walking into town to watch the parade. Then we’d all walk back to my grandparents house where my grandfather would be cooking his clam chowder and clam cakes. After devouring the wonderful food we’d all play croquette (our parents sometimes not as sober as they were earlier). This was followed by a visit to the carnival, an evening cookout and ended with fireworks. What made it even more special was the fact that my father was on vacation and we’d be heading to the beach. Man could he swim and love to swim. There’d be clam boils and beers being kept cold in a fresh water stream. He’d be wearing boots and black socks with his bathing suit and have a white V-necked T shirt with his Camels and lighter either rolled in his sleeve or in one of his socks. His brother Danny my cousins and Aunt Alice would be there too and my mom would pop by after work. Then it would be time to go home, but not after swimming to the raft and diving off his shoulders, hunting for periwinkle or digging for clams. It was lovely yes it seems like yesterday and it Did happen.

Thanks for the memories dad and I didn’t mind you controlling my play list; Moonlight Serenade, Eddy Arnold Make The World Go Away, Louis Armstrong It’s A Beautiful World, Ray Charles You don’t Know Me, Glen Miller’s String of Pearls. Coincidence? I don’t think so I think dad gave me a father’s day gift!

Gin

Role Reversals…

One of the ironies of growing older are the changes in relationships with our parents. There are role reversals like taking them to the doctors, switching holiday duties, worrying about them driving at night, and becoming their advocate…

It begins gradually, like with switching where Thanksgiving is going to be, or having to drive them at the night. It’s a scary blessing – You have the privalege of being there for them like they were for you. Yet its a constant reminder that time has and is passing for you and them…

The only constant in life is change, we can try to resist it or we can welcome it. I prefer to enjoy these precious times with my mother sharing duties and learning family traditions…

My only hope with these role reversals is that I’m half as good a caregiver as she was to me…

Namaste,

Ginnie