Have To, Should Do – To-do’s…

My recent absence from blogging has a lot to do with my perception of Have To’s, Should Do’s and the always present To-Do list!  Being an over-achieving, goal oriented, control freak I’m a master of all of the above. However what happens when the To-Do’s rule your life? Your productive yes, your organized yes, but are you happy and content? To be perfectly honest not always. I love the satisfaction of getting things done and achieving my goal the only problem is there’s always another one to start and or finish. Which makes me feel like a hamster running on its wheel…

I know I’m not alone in this dilemma as many friends and associates claim to be caught up in the same hamster cage! What is the solution? I’m not totally sure but answers are always found in meditation and introspection. Take today’s jog for instance; while running around the reservoir  I realized that the swans, geese, blue jays, goldfinch and assorted fish had no agenda – They were present in the moment and I sensed peace. Then I was inspired by the beauty of the wild flowers Queen Anne’s Lace, Cat Tails, buttercups and assorted types of field grass. None of these seemed to be bogged down with have to’s and should do’s; The just were…

I’m not advocating doing nothing full-time but maybe putting it on the To-Do list would be a start to getting grounded…


Today’s Lesson…

Most mornings for me start (after feeding the cats) with spiritual reading, meditation and yoga, in some form or another. My reading is rarely planned I have several books on my meditation table – I try to let the universe point to which one. Today I picked up Hua Hu Ching by Lao Tzu. I opened it up and looked to the left page, it was lesson fifty. The end of the verse contained these words; Ignore time. Relinquish thoughts and concepts. Embrace the Oneness. This is the integral way.

Wow that hit me smack between the eyes! The month of May is a scheduling nightmare ( I have to schedule bathroom breaks!). What Lao Tzu is telling me is to be in the moment don’t look at May as one big task but a series of moments… So this is how I’ve spent my day so far, I’m taking time to complete each task mindfully.

By being present, I’m unaware of how much or how little time I have left to complete a task. This has been so liberating! I will try to carry this through to the next moment and not worry about the next day or week!

What a gift being present is…



Sense vs Tired

First let me explain I’m training for a sixth dan in martial arts and I’m fifty something okay fifty-four.  Anyway back to my training. Preparing for a black belt test isn’t a new thing for me this is my tenth test ( I hold a few other belts). Yet this one is a little different. My approach is still regimented I feel like I’m pushing myself and being pushed yet its different.

A friend answer to this is, I’m using more sense during this go. Resting more, organizing my workouts better. She said I was being more mindful of my recent minor injuries,trying not to exacerbate those injuries or incur more. What my friend says maybe true. However,  I believe all of the sensible behavior is because, I’m too TIRED! So there are less double sessions, lighter weights, no forward rolls in reaction circles. I’m running two miles three times a week, not three or five miles five times a week. Plank positions have replaced push ups, sit ups are done in sets not until my tailbone rips through my skin!

In conclusion, wisdom doesn’t come from age; wisdom is being too tired to be stupid and crazy!

Time for a nap,


Knowing No…

Everyone knows a toddlers favorite word to say is no. Toddlers in their desire for independence are constantly saying no or I don’t want to. So how is it a word that came  so easily to us at three is almost impossible to say now?

Is this an example of evolution? In order for us to survive with friends, families, bosses and pets we have lost our ability to say no? Has our desire to please and satisfy everyone else supra ceded our need for sanity and our peace of mind? Have we over committed ourselves to the point of being “committed”?

I believe I’ve lost the ability of Knowing No. In my pursuit to be the good daughter, the best friend, the ideal teacher/mentor, and the model business woman I’ve organized my life around everyone else’s needs and forgotten my own. Until today when I decided enough is enough and told my staff that  NO I won’t be in to train you this morning!

After three weeks of running around with my head cut off and being all things to all people – I put my foot down! Result I was able to block off an entire morning and afternoon to get some much needed rest and work done. I’ve regained some sanity and maybe even some respect from my staff. We’re still meeting but on my terms, and I’ll be fresher and more prepared for the meeting.

So if your in a state of overwhelm connect with your inner three year old and say “no I don’t want to”….


The Race to No Where…

One of my favorite lines from  television is when a character asked another character “How’s the rat race?” – Response; ” The rats are winning!”

I’m in one of those races now except I like to call it the race to No Where! Schedules are tight and overbooked, traffic always seems to be a problem, and Murphy’s Law is in effect the whole time we’re in this race. I’m not even sure if the race is against time, or sanity? Why do we do this to ourselves? We’re in a hurry all the time to go where? What exactly are we accomplishing?  A giant to do list, which probably contained tasks that should have been completed before now. Why do we stress ourselves into overload? We must be delusional! I am. It always seems when I’m scheduling different parts of my life I don’t look a my whole life. The result is like a giant car crash at the 95 split at rush hour; my career , home and personal life meet in a three car pile up. The only solution – The Jaws of Life!

I’m unsure if this blog is more of a commentary or a rant? I will try to end this with a productive thought. When we finally gain control and get out of the Race to No Where – We may realize we are  NOW Here. Amazing what a little space can do to change perspective… Not only with letters but with ourselves. Give your self space to breathe, and appreciate the Here and Now!