Running A(way)

Running; A way to sanity and away from insanity…

These past two weeks, have been some of the most difficult in my life. Through it all running has helped me maintain my center, relieve my anxiety, sadness, and overwhelm. During today’s three mile training run I discovered how much running has kept me sane.

After being blindsided by my cousin’s (brother’s) sudden death, then having to share this horrible news with my mother left me numb. So numb that my initial response was the inability to cry or physically move–Ironic for someone who is constantly moving. Shortly after sharing the news with my mother, I was able to shed tears and so many more have followed and are to come. I also found out that I had the extra responsibility of being named the executrix to his will.

As you may imagine my anxiety shifted into overwhelm! Along with my long list of responsibilities I had a bunch more heaped upon me when I was my most vulnerable. I wanted to run away. Away from the sadness, responsibility the pressure of doing the right thing being sure everyone was taken care of, but first I had to take care of me.

Self care for me includes, meditation, spiritual reading, my martial arts practice and running. The meditation, reading and martial arts required too much of my mental energy and although I continued with all those disciplines, running has been my great escape. I know for 30minutes to 2 hours all I had to focus on was the next step and next breath — This moment the only moment. I was able to cry (not pretty) mourn his loss, and try to run my anger into the ground.

After the days of the “hard running” I began noticing, dragonflies, butterflies, Cardinals, and pennies were found. I knew my cousin was safe on the other side and sending me messages. Running became a source of comfort.

I’ve been running on and off since 1991 first to prepare for my black belt, then occasionally to get into shape. It wasn’t until I was about to turn 60 that I gave myself the goal of running a half marathon, that I got serious about running. I didn’t realize until today that goal changed my life forever. It wasn’t finishing the half it was running, just running…

One Step, One Breath, This Moment; The only moment…

“Remember, Jonathan, heaven isn’t a place or a time, because place and time are so very meaningless.” From Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Richard Bach.

Run on,

G

Home at Last

The title of this blog seems to imply I’ve been away. I haven’t – I’ve been caught up in the rat race (one I’d rather not run in). The holidays were extra busy with my mother and stepfather being under the weather – I took on more responsibility for the festivities.

After the holidays returning to work got off to a “stormy” start. Winter made its presence known and havoc on my schedule. Classes were added to weekends.

Now the Tax man cometh and gathering 2013’s paper work for the business has been less than enjoyable.

Which brings me to today the first day since the beginning of December that I can truly call my own. Back home among my books, music, yoga, journals and kitchen. I’ve had the best sort of day, a Zen day; cleaning, cooking, baking, reading, meditating, practicing yoga, Finding the “me” among the daughter, friend, teacher, sister, cousin, boss, business owner, martial artist and cat mom.

Have I learned anything about myself? Not really anything new, but unlike the “Energizer Bunny” I need to be recharged every now and again and my tiny condo apartment is my sanctuary, its me and one of the only places I can be completely me; no persona just one person. Home at last…OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

From Here…

Did you ever wake up some mornings and say to your self how did I get here? I’m not speaking of the what happens in Vegas kind of mornings, but the morning awakenings that jar you into the present. You know the kind, the yesterday I was twenty something and had it all figured out and today I’m fifty something and haven’t a clue! You can’t figure out where the time went, how you got to be who you are and sometimes you’re not even sure you know yourself!

So what do you do from here? You can roll over and forget you’ve just received a notice from God/The Universe/Your Higher Power or you take advantage of the message and answer those questions. How? By looking for what moves your spirit. What inspires you? Start by listening to your inner voice trusting your gut! Many of us feel unfulfilled because we’ve followed paths created by others.

The next step is decide what you want and ask for it… Be willing to accept all that will come along with it – Nothing is for free. We always have karma to pay back…

As for me, I’m figuring that out, I’ll keep lacing my shoes and run, tying my belt and teach but I’ll be sitting quietly and listen to what my heart desires…

Namaste,

Ginnie

Framing…

The proper frame can give an ordinary photograph or painting more depth and substance. On the other hand a poorly framed photograph can lose depth and substance. What am I getting at? Why am I so interested in framing?

I’m not interested in writing about framing photographs (although I enjoy framing photographs). I’m speaking metaphorically, I’m referring to  how we “frame” our thoughts and or beliefs. How our  view on a subject can either create depth or lose substance depending on our perspective. For example, I was informed today that I’m to be tested for my 6th Dan in February. On one hand I could view this as a challenge that my body no longer wants to endure. After all I’m 54 with a number of minor nagging complaints. Do I really need to aggravate these injuries?  On the other hand this is an honor and an opportunity for me to learn to push myself with in my limits and to be an example to my students.

Which leaves me to wonder how many times I’ll be reframing my view from now and until February? I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long winter!

Ginnie

Knowing No…

Everyone knows a toddlers favorite word to say is no. Toddlers in their desire for independence are constantly saying no or I don’t want to. So how is it a word that came  so easily to us at three is almost impossible to say now?

Is this an example of evolution? In order for us to survive with friends, families, bosses and pets we have lost our ability to say no? Has our desire to please and satisfy everyone else supra ceded our need for sanity and our peace of mind? Have we over committed ourselves to the point of being “committed”?

I believe I’ve lost the ability of Knowing No. In my pursuit to be the good daughter, the best friend, the ideal teacher/mentor, and the model business woman I’ve organized my life around everyone else’s needs and forgotten my own. Until today when I decided enough is enough and told my staff that  NO I won’t be in to train you this morning!

After three weeks of running around with my head cut off and being all things to all people – I put my foot down! Result I was able to block off an entire morning and afternoon to get some much needed rest and work done. I’ve regained some sanity and maybe even some respect from my staff. We’re still meeting but on my terms, and I’ll be fresher and more prepared for the meeting.

So if your in a state of overwhelm connect with your inner three year old and say “no I don’t want to”….

Ginnie

Wait For Me…

How has life gotten so far ahead?  I wake up most mornings at 5am or earlier and still end up rushing – What gives? I often feel like I have been put on pause while the rest of my life kept moving without me and I’m constantly trying to catch up!

With that said, what am I trying to catch up to or with? I’m not sure because I can no longer read all the to dos on my to do list… It’s not just me every day I have friends, clients and coworkers all singing the same tune… “Wait for me!” As time continues to race past at the speed of light while we are still caught in yesterday or as for me last week! I continue to ask myself what am I trying to catch up with???

I’d like to be caught up with paper work, laundry, emptying the trash, sleep, phone calls, reading, friends, projects, you name it .We are all “behind” in one, some or all of these areas. Or are we? Isn’t life made up cycles nothing really ends so how can we “finish”?

Now that I know there isn’t a finish line. I’m going to take a nap – so don’t wait for me I’ll catch you later…

 

Ginnie

Compromising…

I find the older I get the more compromising I do! Ironically I had this thought as I ran back from my walk/run. (I walk the out and run the back on a two mile out and back.)

This got me to thinking on how many other “little” compromises I’ve made lately. A pumpkin latte over pumpkin cheesecake, yoga over sleeping thirty more minutes, egg white omelet over pancakes… You get the picture!  Remember when it was staying in bed all day, getting up and eating pancakes smothered in syrup, followed with cheesecake for dinner?Sure aging has it’s benefits, we are supposedly wiser, more financially stable (chuckle). We’ve been there and done that and are grown up now.

I’ll close with the one thing I will never compromise; My Integrity, it’s the only thing we get to take with us… Unless the funeral director is willing to compromise and let me take a dozen vanilla creamed donuts…

Ginnie